Today I took my almost 7 month old baby boy to child care. When I dropped him off, his teacher informed me they had received the extra formula I had requested.
I have been having a hard time keeping up with supply and demand lately as I have forgotten parts to my pump when I leave the house for work (the world would be a much nicer place if I had a pump for home and a pump for work!). I requested they give Max a bottle with formula if he seemed hungry after all of his EBM (expressed breast milk) was gone.
Max's teacher asked me if I wanted her to try to give him formula today. She told me that I had done a great job keeping him nourished up until now and I shouldn't feel bad if we supplemented with formula. I felt a little like I was being told that I didn't need to nurse him anymore, which pushed a little panic button on my heart strings. I know she would never tell me to stop nursing him (because nursing your baby is such a personal choice), and I know she is not telling me to stop nursing him, but I just felt as if my baby was being pulled a little farther away from my apron strings! I felt as if he was getting more and more independent of me...and he isn't even one year old yet! I did finally tell her that it was fine for her to give him the formula for his morning bottle and to monitor him closely to see how he reacted to it.
I left his classroom. I cried in the hall. I felt as if I was failing as a working mommy. I saw one of my friends in the hall and she asked if I was ok. I told her I missed my baby...which I did...but I didn't want to get into the whole nursing topic on our way to teach our preschoolers. I went to my mailbox, got my mail and headed to class.
When I got to class I tried to get my act together. I couldn't help but think about how he was about to get his first bottle of formula and I wasn't going to be there to give it to him. "At least he would be getting some fluids," I thought. I then started thinking about how breast milk has all these great antibodies for fighting off germs and bacteria...and got worried.
When I went to pick him up for our lunch "date" I asked how the formula bottle went. His teacher informed me that he took 3 ounces from the 4 ounces she had prepared for him. Not bad, I thought. I told her that I would still prefer he only receive one bottle with formula per day because I still want him to receive the antibodies in the breast milk being that it IS cold and flu season.
Max and I had a great lunch date. He flirted with the other teachers in the lunch room, tried to eat my plastic bag (which I quickly took away from him), he flashed his huge gummy smile to everyone he met. He really is a happy, well-adjusted boy. I must be doing something right....even if I feel I am failing at providing for his most primal need. :(
1 comment:
Your feelings are totally normal! I cried when giving my babies their first formula and that didn't even compare to the feelings I had when it was time to wean them. I know it was a lot harder for me than it was for them! They were ready to move on, but that was a hard adjustment for me. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing your best to give him the best. You are a GREAT MOM!!!
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